


In my time of need

by ghosteebo



Category: Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Torchwood
Genre: Angst, Broken Jack, Help, Hurt Ianto Jones, I'm Bad At Tagging, I'm Sorry, M/M, Sad Ianto Jones, Self-Harm, Suicide, The Hub (Torchwood), Torchwood Three
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-22
Updated: 2020-04-22
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:47:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,614
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23784970
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ghosteebo/pseuds/ghosteebo
Summary: TRIGGER WARNING- MENTIONS OF SELF HARM AND SUICIDE----------Jack can't find ianto in the hub one day. Now he looks back and reflects ianto has been slipping away from him and he never noticed.---------
Relationships: Jack Harkness/Ianto Jones
Comments: 8
Kudos: 48





	In my time of need

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah I'm sorry for this
> 
> Ok ok I know I'm bad at writing and they're not in character at least I tried tho I guess.

The hub was quite.

Like no one was home. Not jack, not tosh, not owen, not Gwen

No one.

That's how ianto liked it. Being invisible, able to blend so seamlessly into the background have no one notice him. It allowed him to reflect on his miserable excise of a life on his own; not have the others pester him for things or require some sort of assistance 

Don't get him wrong. He loved his job, probably too much, but running around picking up everyone's shit and getting no thanks, not a warm gesture or even acknowledgement is straining on the mental health.

That's why he decided to start doing it. Slicing through the tendons on his wrist and arm; Mutilating his stomach and legs just aching for some sort of feeling. Some sort of emotion to flicker through his cold, empty brain. He hated that he needed it; loathed the itching under his skin he'd get. But yet he continued and persisted, knowing the dangers he faced every time he fulfilled the desires

\---------------------------------------------

Gazing around the hub Jack surveyed the surroundings and how his team fit together so smoothly. Pride bubbled through him and he saw Owen and Toshiko muttering to each other as they work around each other, studying the decaying alien that lay stretched out on the autopsy table. He watched as Gwen stuck sheets up onto the wall, Chewing a pencil as she scribbled down notes on their newest case. One person was missing from this interaction though. 

Jack's head swivelled quickly trying with all his might to locate his youngest team member and lover, slight anxiety flowing through him as he couldn't find him straight away.

Suddenly he spotted him across the room, isolated from everyone else. Slowly ianto Jones shifted through paperwork, collecting information on the new threat that posed the team and the earth. Despite his actions being rudimentary and normal for the reserved Welshman, something didn't seem quite right. Maybe it was the distant look In his eye or how he kept tugging at his sleeves but there was something wrong.

Now that jack was thinking,he remembers seeing this for a few days now. He noticed how his lover had become even more reserved than before and didn't talk as much with anyone, preferring to stay hidden in the shadows and be invisible for as long as he could manage. He disappeared regularly with the pretense of maintaining the archives or feeding myfanwy. He was slowly loosing his ianto and he didn't know why.

\--------------------------------------------

Everything hurts constantly. Ianto's thoughts whirlpooled around his skull aggressively, constantly reminding him of how much of a screw up he is. ' Jack doesn't love you, and he never will. You'll always be a second best, never good enough for anyone. You're a monster. A monster . Everyone almost died with your cybergirlfriend see they hate you still' 

His thoughts assaulted him, demanding and intrusive as he stared at the page before him, his vision blurring from unshed tears. Stubbornly he blinked back the offending moisture and shook himself back to attention, brushing the demeaning thoughts to the back of his mind until he could do something about it. Something destructive. 

He looked up from the sheet and saw standing three feet in front of him none other than captain jack harkness, his dark haired wonder. 

"Ianto? Are you ok? You look a bit.. well lost?" His voice was soft and calming, as though he was approaching a cornered animal in distress.

"Umm... Yes sir. I'm fine nothing wrong. Do you need anything?" The words flew out of the younger man's mouth quickly and clumsily. He was not fine. He was far from fine. Everything just seemed too much. He just wanted to escape. 

"If you're sure ianto. Oh and before I forget, can you stay and come up to my office later tonight. I need to talk to you in private." The grin that was flashed at ianto was anything but subtle. Ianto knew exactly what he'd be getting himself into and yet, he wasn't sure he'd even be alive and breathing for that long.

\---------------------------------------

The pain from uncleaned, unattended to cuts ached through the archivist as he completed his final duty of the day. He said goodbye to the team, his final goodbye to them, and went to visit myfanwy one last time. 

It was all just too much. The stress and the fear. The constant need to impress jack and be good enough. His yearning to be loved and the desire to fit in to the tight knit group that was Torchwood 3. If he was honest with himself, he knew that he had never fit in properly, not from his first day. 

The suits and dry wit hid the despair and aching hole that was left by canary wharf and Lisa's demise. Even Jack, the man who persisted and carried him through the dark days, couldn't save him now. 

He knew deep down he'd never be loved by the immortal the way he so needed to be.

So he ran and hid. Down in the depths of the hub, into the vaults where he knew jack wouldn't come looking for him.

It wouldn't be long now. He had bleed so much this morning that the cuts he was about to make will seal the deal and make him almost impossible to bring back. 

So he did it. Three deep cuts parallel to his arm on each wrist. 

He sat there on the floor of the vaults crying and wishing for it all to go away. For the nightmares that plauged him of Lisa to stop, to quieten the deafening screams of the employees of Torchwood one that rang through his head constantly, to finally feel some sort of bliss and quiet.

Picking up his Comms he turned it on and softly spoke down into the receiver a pained message for a lover. "goodbye jack" 

Then the darkness slowly snuck up on him 

\-----------------------------------------

"Goodbye jack"

So soft he'd probably not had heard it if he'd not been waiting for that exact person. 

Dread seeped through his body as a faint cold chill took over his body , scrambling like a mad man to get to his computer. The CCTV footage showed the lanky Welshman going down to the vaults but doesn't show a visual of him returning.

Jumping up with a newfound fever, the captain took off at a sprint, desperate to reach the failing life before it was too late; there was so much he still had to tell him, so much to give him.

"Come on ianto be ok." His whisper echoes around the empty building, pizza boxes and old paper strewn across the floor as the older man's feet pounded across the metal gridding on his way to the vaults.

\-----------------------------------------

The darkness was comforting. The darkness was safe. 

A faint buzz still rang through ianto's head and the muted growl of Janet made him realise that he wasn't fully gone yet, just a bit longer.

A crashing sound and a door slamming off its hinges startled the young Welshman, not that he could fully react. He focused on the voice and noise, desperately gripping to something to make it easier. Who was it in the hub at this time, why would they want to save the teaboy?

Jack. Lovely, perfect, handsome jack bloody harkness. God damn it.

\-----------------------------------------

The scene that befell him was a grisly one, blood all over the immaculate suit usually worn by the younger, staining him and illustrating his discontentment. God he should've seen the signs earlier. Why hadn't he.

"Ianto. Ianto stay with me" he grabbed onto the frail body and hauled it into his lap, Hoping to god there could be some way to save his lover. The doctor could, the doctor maybe.

" Hey hey come on don't leave me. Please. I need you. Yan come one please." Jack was getting fairly hysterical as the slow dying pulse began to drop once again.

"Owen, tosh, gwen I don't care where you are or what you're doing come to the hub right now. It's ianto, he's tried to kill himself and we need help fast!" He shouted down the Comms, not waiting for a reply at all.

"Baby why did you do this. Please don't leave me. Ianto stay with me please " no amount of pleading could change the outcome however. His slow pulse eventually stopped completely as the darkness over took him. 

A pitiful cry was all that was heard around the hub as the man they looked up to, followed orders from and worked for lost another one he loved. It was a broken wail that escaped his mouth as he clutched harder onto the still form below him, just willing him to come back to life, just how he himself does.

\------------------------------------------

The other three employees raced into the hub as soon as they got the distress call from jack. They arrived a little later and all they heard when they entered was the pained cry of a broken man. The depressing noise floated up from the direction of the vaults so they followed with intrepidation. 

The scene before them would make anyone cry. How their strong and brave leader gripped on to the deceased man in his lap muttering as he went.

"You know I love you Yan. How could I not. Why why why why. Please come back. I need you. Please please. Ianto why"

The rest of the team stood back and watched, allowing the captain a moment to grieve and letting fully set in what had happened and how much this man had meant to their leader.


End file.
